We buried my aunt friday. This death in our family was sudden and very unexpected. During the funeral the gentleman speaking quoted scriptures describing what a virtuous woman was. I remember growing up always thinking that Aunt Juanita was such a lady, that she couldn't be from here. She was so proper; a woman to admire....she was that virtuous woman.
The pastor of that church read a saying that was so fitting....if you want to touch the past, touch a stone; if you want to touch the present, touch a flower; if you want to touch the future, touch a child. My aunt and uncle both gave many years into the school system. I am sure that they have touched many children's lives. She will be missed greatly.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Effort of Love
"Let your past experiences be stepping stones for her journey to victory."
A precious man of God told me that when in conversation about the young people of today. When I see them walking that same road that I went down years ago, it takes me back to that time. It was a very confusing time in my life, and I just now have come to some conclusions about that journey.
I, like most people looked for some words of affirmation, someone to show me affection, to know they cared. I did not grow up in a home with parents that poured on affection. Don't misunderstand me, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mom and dad loved me. They did everything in their power to give me what I needed as far as things are concerned. There was something much more important missing in my life. The words "I love you" were just that...words.
I spent many years of my life looking for those words to have meaning. I looked for it in failed relationships, sex, alcohol, and drugs. All the while, those words were said, but they meant nothing in the end. I stand in awe now because I could have been taken out of this world several times over, lost as a goose.
In 1997, I had decided that I didn't need anyone. I could take care of me all by myself. I had picked out the man to have a baby with....just being transparent here. That in itself is really funny now if you know my infertility issues. I didn't know it at the time, but God had a way different plan for me no matter what i had decided.
I met Shane in August that year; six weeks later we were engaged and were married in May. He was a man who showered on the affection, and would tell you 200 times a day that he loved you; but remember, he was telling that to someone who knew that "I love you" was just words. I would roll my eyes, push him away, even tell him "yeah, right". He was very persistent...I guess he saw something that I didn't. Well, I know he did.
No matter how I pushed away and distanced myself from him, he never stopped. I guess you could say, he wore me down. Thirteen years later(I am a slow learner), I realized that in all that, that God was teaching me unconditional love. Our marriage has not been rainbows and roses, and recently was about to be no more. It was a two way street as far as where things went wrong, but I was the one throwing my hands up, walking away. He never stopped. No matter what I said or did, he was still here.
You see, God never leaves us or forsakes us. Some of us have to see that for ourselves, and sometimes it may be a slow-learning lesson, but those are the lessons that stick. I found myself staring in the mirror last week when the light bulb came on, so clear.
Even today, I have to make a conscious effort to say I love you to the ones that I love. It does not come freely for me because or my past dealings with those words. Showing affection on the other hand is not something that I can stop! I'm not even close to the same person I was then, and I am very tender-hearted now.
We want so much for our young people to not have to go through what we did. We give them the things that we didn't have. We cannot forget the most important thing that we need to give them, and that is unconditional love. No matter how much they push against or fight it. As that man of God said that sentence to me about "her" victory....maybe it wasn't just about that present teenager, maybe it was about the past one too. The effort of love is never waisted.
A precious man of God told me that when in conversation about the young people of today. When I see them walking that same road that I went down years ago, it takes me back to that time. It was a very confusing time in my life, and I just now have come to some conclusions about that journey.
I, like most people looked for some words of affirmation, someone to show me affection, to know they cared. I did not grow up in a home with parents that poured on affection. Don't misunderstand me, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mom and dad loved me. They did everything in their power to give me what I needed as far as things are concerned. There was something much more important missing in my life. The words "I love you" were just that...words.
I spent many years of my life looking for those words to have meaning. I looked for it in failed relationships, sex, alcohol, and drugs. All the while, those words were said, but they meant nothing in the end. I stand in awe now because I could have been taken out of this world several times over, lost as a goose.
In 1997, I had decided that I didn't need anyone. I could take care of me all by myself. I had picked out the man to have a baby with....just being transparent here. That in itself is really funny now if you know my infertility issues. I didn't know it at the time, but God had a way different plan for me no matter what i had decided.
I met Shane in August that year; six weeks later we were engaged and were married in May. He was a man who showered on the affection, and would tell you 200 times a day that he loved you; but remember, he was telling that to someone who knew that "I love you" was just words. I would roll my eyes, push him away, even tell him "yeah, right". He was very persistent...I guess he saw something that I didn't. Well, I know he did.
No matter how I pushed away and distanced myself from him, he never stopped. I guess you could say, he wore me down. Thirteen years later(I am a slow learner), I realized that in all that, that God was teaching me unconditional love. Our marriage has not been rainbows and roses, and recently was about to be no more. It was a two way street as far as where things went wrong, but I was the one throwing my hands up, walking away. He never stopped. No matter what I said or did, he was still here.
You see, God never leaves us or forsakes us. Some of us have to see that for ourselves, and sometimes it may be a slow-learning lesson, but those are the lessons that stick. I found myself staring in the mirror last week when the light bulb came on, so clear.
Even today, I have to make a conscious effort to say I love you to the ones that I love. It does not come freely for me because or my past dealings with those words. Showing affection on the other hand is not something that I can stop! I'm not even close to the same person I was then, and I am very tender-hearted now.
We want so much for our young people to not have to go through what we did. We give them the things that we didn't have. We cannot forget the most important thing that we need to give them, and that is unconditional love. No matter how much they push against or fight it. As that man of God said that sentence to me about "her" victory....maybe it wasn't just about that present teenager, maybe it was about the past one too. The effort of love is never waisted.
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