My Teenager

I have come to the conclusion that I don't know what I'm doing....I can see where my parents were when my brothers and I were growing up. Sometimes you just do the best you can. I have a hard time with control which is evident by the power struggle I have with my son. He is turning into this young man that wants to have the controller in his hand instead of mine. Where do you decide where the line is? Where do you lay it down and back away? 

He is turning into this beautiful person before my eyes. He doesn't think like me or act like me(for the most part), and that shouldn't be a bad thing. I get so caught up in wanting to "create a productive citizen," that I don't stop and think. I know he has to make his own way in this world, and I may not agree with everything that he does. As parents, we see a little further down the road than they do because we've been there before. I get it now....when I have those feelings of "you can't tell'm nothing".

Lord, help me to know when to hold on and when to let go.

For Me

Today I am so thankful for the people in my life that are for me. I'm thankful for a God who will nudge me back in the right direction with so much loving kindness that it overwhelms me. I have hope and an unwavering faith that God is still in control and will have His will be done for my family. Sometimes God has to send my own words back to me as a reminder that all is not lost in this storm. It will pass, and my family will still be holding on to the hand of God that is the same yesterday, today, and forever. This storm will be a testament to the God I serve.

I want to always be teachable.

Manna

God, I am so thankful for your Manna from Heaven. Lord, help me to be satisfied with what you give me for you know what is best for me. Help me to never grumble or complain and to find joy even in the most uncomfortable places.

I am not called to sprint but to run this race. Run means to move at a speed faster than a walk, never having both feet on the ground at the same time. Lord, help me to keep a steady pace and to not stand still in this journey.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Catching Up

Well, it has been a LONG time since I have been on here...an understatement. Since I last posted I have been fostering a new little boy, 3 year old Keegan, lost my job, had a hysterectomy, and got a new job. The emotions over the last few months have been from one extreme to the other. You know......we don't see what the will of God is for our lives until way, way on down the road. I have to say...I have learned most of all to just hold on to God throughout it all, no matter if it feels like everything is falling apart. I am thankful for what I have learned over these 6 weeks of recovery/unemployement. It has not been how I had planned, but it was how God had planned it.

Sprinkles

The other morning I got ready for work and was waking up my sweet, precious little boy...that was asleep IN MY BED. I had put on a shirt that had sequence on the top around the neck of it. When I picked him up to take him into his bathroom he put his head on my shoulder and was rubbing my shirt across the sequence. He said, "Mama...I like your sprinkles."

Leo

We have been foster parents now for 5 years. In those 5 years we have had Leo for almost 3 of them. This wednesday will be the last night he will spend in our home. This statement brings such sorrow to my heart...among the mixture of feelings that I am having.

When Leo came to live with us he was about 18 months old...a little thing just over 20 pounds. He was very timid and not trusting at all. He and Jared were just 8 months apart, so it was like having twins.

Throughout the time that Leo has been here he has grown inside and out. Up until the last few months, he was not a child to show affection or tell you that he loved you. He didn't like hugs, and if you were trying to show him affection he would turn you off like a switch. He has always been very good at tuning you out...a master.

Out of the blue, not long ago he just began to give hugs. Leo would even come up to you unexpectedly and want to give you sugar. Sugar, by the way, might be on your hand or arm or leg....you never knew. Then came the "I love you", which seemed to be only given to me and Shane.

I have always known in the back of my mind that Leo would go home. I remember saying last year that it wouldn't be so bad because he always kept us at arms length and didn't let us in. He busted that right out of the water as he let us into his heart. Now I am faced with the fact that he won't be here much longer.

I know that foster parenting is something that God has called me to do, and in saying that, that this is part of that job. I can't say that I would ever pick this for my life, but I know that God knows what He is doing. I also know that Leo was only meant to be with me for a short season, but one that was rich in seeds sown with love.

A man of God reminded me today of Moses and those seeds that were sown into him as a child, and the promises that we have that it is not for naught. As he grows I pray that he never forget the things that have been taught to him.

As Leo is taken out of my hands, I am placing him in the hands of God to protect him and to keep him.

Quote

"Mama, you are the sweetest girl I eba seen in my whole nife." by Jared Kelly Burge